Roberta Fernandez is a personal and professional development consultant. She offers programs for individuals and organizations that develop emotional intelligence and guides them through a change process to awaken their full potential and realize their highest abilities.
She has perfected individual personal development and wellness programs, as well as executive, managerial, and team corporate training programs in the areas of sustainability, cultural change, and emotional intelligence.
Roberta is an experienced corporate trainer, an engaging public speaker, an Integrative Emotional Intelligence Specialist, holds a Master Practitioner certification in NLP (Neurolinguistics Programming), and is a Board-Certified Hypnotist.
Roberta has conducted thousands of individual client sessions and more than 85 noteworthy presentations and training sessions over the past fifteen years.
Notable amongst her past clients are Kemps, Sam’s Club, JP Morgan Chase, Target, Optum, Pentair, and numerous governments, academic and private organizations.
What you will learn
- How to find real happiness and become your best self
- Roberta shares her journey from working with Al Gore on climate change to becoming a hypnotist
- Discover “AHA,” a program that helps you realize your abilities and get rid of limiting beliefs
- Why change is hard and awareness is key
- Dive into why we resist changing our minds
- Discover how early childhood and subconscious beliefs shape us
- The importance of seeing things from different perspectives
- Plus loads more!
Transcript
Jeff Bullas
00:00:03 – 00:00:39
Hi, everyone and welcome to the Jeff Bullas Show. I have Roberta Fernandez with me. Roberta’s dialing in from Las Vegas. I have been there twice and survived. And as they say, what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas. But Roberta’s gonna tell us about what happens in Las Vegas inside her beautiful office there. So a little bit about Roberta. Roberta is a personal and professional development consultant. She offers programs for individuals and organizations that develop emotional intelligence and guides them through a change process to awaken their full potential and realize their highest abilities.
Jeff Bullas
00:00:40 – 00:01:35
She has perfected individual personal development and wellness programs as well as executive managerial and team corporate training programs in the areas of sustainability, cultural change and emotional intelligence. Roberta is an experienced corporate trainer and engaging public speaker and integrative emotional intelligence specialist, holds a master practitioner certification in N LP, also known as Neurolinguistics programming and is a board certified hypnotist, but don’t just call her a hypnotist because she lives in a much bigger box than that. Roberta has conducted thousands of individual client sessions and more than 85 noteworthy presentations and training sessions over the past 15 years, notable amongst her past clients are Kemp Sam’s Club JP Morgan Chase Target Optum Pentair and numerous government and academic and private organizations. Welcome to the show, Roberta. It’s an absolute pleasure to have you here.
Roberta Fernandez
00:01:35 – 00:01:38
Thanks, Jeff. It’s really fun to be here.
Jeff Bullas
00:01:38 – 00:01:56
So Roberta, we were just having a little chat prior and uh we basically, we’re trying to help people reach their full potential, in fact, and we discuss what that really means in one word. In other words, it’s trying to help everyone to be happy.
Roberta Fernandez
00:01:58 – 00:02:04
Absolutely. To find your joy and how everybody gets there is really very personal. Right.
Jeff Bullas
00:02:04 – 00:02:59
Exactly. And as Joseph Campbell calls it, follow your bliss. The challenge with following your bliss is that a lot of people don’t know what that is. And Steven Spielberg said that what your purpose and meaning of what you are doing in life, which is your bliss according to Joseph Campbell is, would only show up as a whisper, it will never shout. So we’re gonna try and unpack a little bit more about how to find meaning in your life and happiness uh both personally and in your business. So, Roberta, what led you to this place? You’ve been an entrepreneur, you’ve had seven different businesses, but here we are. And you’ve been running this for, I suppose, nearly the last 15-20 years. What led you here to start your business in this space of personal and professional development.
Roberta Fernandez
00:03:00 – 00:03:48
Well, I am, it was a very circuitous um path to get here. Um, I think the thing that really started me on the consulting and training was in 2007, I was one of the 1st 50 people recruited by Al Gore to give his climate talk. And so I trained with uh Mr Gore and Nashville. Um, for a few days I stayed on with the climate project as it was called then and helped train 1000 other people to give that talk. And it was such an eye opener to me because I’d never been a part of a grassroots organization. Um This one was very nonpartisan, although it’s become very political, obviously around the world. Um But it was such a learning experience for me
Roberta Fernandez
00:03:49 – 00:04:31
and it really allowed me to get out in public in a major way as far as training and giving keynote talks, et cetera. But it led me to this idea of sustainability. And at the time, sustainability was kind of, um it wasn’t a very well known word. And in the corporate sector, it wasn’t all that, it wasn’t perceived in a very good way. It was um you know, going green and a lot of companies were, you know, starting to be accused of greenwashing, you know, saying they were doing things and not really. And um what I realized in consulting in that arena is that it was really about the subject of change
Roberta Fernandez
00:04:31 – 00:05:22
uh because we were trying to affect change in a company. Um not just environmentally, the organization that I worked with was out of Sweden. And they looked at the overall company, sustainability, um economic, environmental, social, et cetera. And so it was a really cohesive look. But um the majority of my work was spent, the time was spent on getting people to change, to change their thoughts, to change how they view things. And over the years as that evolved, um, it, my career took a little bit of a different path for a while and that I became a hypnotist because hypnosis is a tool for change. And what I realized with hypnosis is I’m just working individually rather than at that corporate level, that larger scale.
Roberta Fernandez
00:05:22 – 00:06:03
And what I learned in corporate consulting was that you really can’t affect change in an organization very effectively unless the people in it change, you know, from the top down, you can say, well, we’re going to get rid of these people because they’re nothing but trouble and sometimes you need to do that, but you can’t dictate change, you can’t dictate how people feel about change. And so hypnosis became a very effective tool. And what it’s done for me in my career is having done thousands of sessions with clients. I really understand the human mind and why change is so difficult for people.
Roberta Fernandez
00:06:03 – 00:06:34
Um Because it’s all about perspective. And so bringing that full circle in the corporate sector. Um that’s when I developed a hara which is a higher awareness and realization of your abilities. And it is all about building awareness and changing perspective and honoring the perspective of others so that we think differently and we can problem solve differently. And so that’s kind of my last 15 years or so in a nutshell.
Jeff Bullas
00:06:35 – 00:06:49
I was intrigued by your first story about how you leaned into this and how it showed up while working with Al Gore to prepare his speech. You said that 50 people worked on his speech. Is that correct?
Roberta Fernandez
00:06:49 – 00:07:51
No, no, no. He chose 50 people to learn how to give his climate talk. OK. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And that was a really interesting experience because, you know, it taught me, you know, to deal with controversy, it taught me lots of challenges that came with a grassroots movement. Um How you take 1000 people from a wide variety of careers and educational levels um who all want to do something really positive. Um And to be able to relate to them on all kinds of levels using a tool, the talk was actually quite complicated. Um So it was a really interesting experience and through that, I met this gentleman Alan Atkinson out of Sweden who had a consulting business around sustainability. He was probably one of the first sustainability consultants um to exist before it was a thing
Roberta Fernandez
00:07:51 – 00:08:28
and Alan had some amazing tools and techniques, really engaging things that we use to teach uh people and to create that change within their organization. So it was, it was a wonderful opportunity for me to learn how to kind of step outside the norm and be really creative in problem solving. And I think that’s, you know, again that goes back to her, I’ve taken all of those skills and brought them into this format that I use as a basis for all my consulting,
Jeff Bullas
00:08:29 – 00:09:27
right? It’s fascinating to hear about the story of our gore trying to get his message across. In other words, he’d been changed. Yeah. And then how do you get other people to change? And the talk as the pivot or the starting point for that? Um And I suppose it’s making sure that everyone’s singing from the same hymn sheet, isn’t it? Really? When you are training 50 of you are training thousands of people to present this all around the world to enable change. So tell us what each letter means and they said it comes from a Sanskrit term originally supporting consciousness, eliminate everything which is not the intrinsic or higher nature of yourself. So tell us what Aha means. Is there a word for each of those letters?
Roberta Fernandez
00:09:27 – 00:10:10
Yeah. And it’s really interesting because when I worked on this project for about three years, putting this program together. And um I was thinking about what am I, what am I gonna call it? That will summarize what it does, what the intention is. And I came up with a higher awareness and realization of your abilities. And when I looked at the acronym, aha, I thought, well, that, that looks like it means something. And so I googled it like you do everything today and it came up with this. Oh, it’s a Sanskrit term. And honestly, it fit perfectly because one of the first things that I do when I work with a heart on an individual basis is we get rid of all,
Roberta Fernandez
00:10:10 – 00:10:46
all the limiting beliefs and the ideas that we grew up with that really weren’t ours to begin with. We address imposter syndrome and those things that keep us small and keep us stuck and we want to clean out your closet. That’s where that term comes from. And then we spend about a year, we spend 12 months integrating different concepts into people’s lives. And the first is becoming aware because it is amazing. And my work for 12 years as a hypnotist showed me this. It’s amazing how unaware we are.
Roberta Fernandez
00:10:46 – 00:11:38
Um you know, our subconscious mind automates everything we don’t think about. The majority of things that we do during the course of a day and becoming aware of people is really challenging. And the things that drive our awareness is what we are thinking and how are we feeling? Because our thoughts and our feelings drive our behaviors and we can’t change behaviors. We can’t change any of that unless we’re aware of what we’re thinking and what we’re feeling. So I challenge one of the first challenges I give to my um students in the cohort is to set an alarm at odd times during the day. So every hour you set an alarm, 1015, 1123 whatever it is. And when the alarm goes off, you journal, what am I thinking? And what am I feeling at that moment?
Roberta Fernandez
00:11:39 – 00:12:20
And it sounds very easy, but it is not easy. And it is very interesting on how it really points to the fact that we are really unaware of our thoughts and our actions and our feelings throughout the day. Um developing this awareness of what we’re thinking and feeling, how we’re perceiving the world, how we’re interacting with other people, how we’re observing life. That’s, that’s the first part of a hra because we cannot affect change until we understand ourselves and that we’re aware of all of those things.
Jeff Bullas
00:12:21 – 00:13:23
Yeah, it’s um and the thing we struggle with too in making change is that we are so hardwired by culture, family, religion, friends, colleagues, society, the movies, we watch the books, we read um the school we went to and I, I certainly feel for me that how do you escape those bonds become the better person, a better version of yourself. And, and usually there’s two, I’d be interested in your thoughts on this. In that change usually comes two ways to make it really simple. Number one, you are forced to change by outside forces. Usually very painful. So you, your wife or your partner says I don’t want this relationship, marriage anymore. And I’m leaving, um, a business goes bust. Right. These are external changes that we’ve had some,
Jeff Bullas
00:13:23 – 00:14:03
you know, investment in. Yeah, that’s pain. Then the other one is more proactive going. I maybe it’s a b it’s a bubbling, gentle pain, maybe going. I’m really annoyed by work. I need to make a change which is basically more driven from inside rather than the outside circumstances. And um I usually find that the biggest motivation for change is pain, which is external generally rather than the gentle gnawing dissatisfaction with a job or, or your life. I’ve been interested in your thoughts on those two types of uh motivations for change.
Roberta Fernandez
00:14:04 – 00:14:52
I have a lot of thoughts on that. So, um I agree with you. Those are two motivating factors. Um So let me step it back just a little bit and tell you where I’m coming from. Um, as a hypnotist and you should know before years before I started consulting, I actually founded a Montessori School and Maria Montessori was all about the child development and how our brain developed. I mean, she was way before her um her time and what we know scientifically about how the brain develops now. But you’re absolutely right in what you said, all of these beliefs and the things that kind of make us into who we are, uh happen to us at actually a very young age. Um Our, our brain does not start to
Roberta Fernandez
00:14:52 – 00:15:48
develop the capacity to have a logical mind, a conscious mind until around 78 years old. And that continues for especially males well into the later twenties. Um before something, what we call the critical factor is formed. And that’s kind of a protective mechanism that actually blocks the conscious mind’s ability to access what is stored in our conscious mind. Our, our subconscious mind rather, that’s where all of our memories and our rules about life, our belief systems reside. And so hypnosis I found became a very easy and efficient tool for digging into that as a hypnotist, I tell people, everybody comes to me for one reason and one reason only and that is there’s a disconnect between what they consciously want and what they subconsciously believes is possible.
Roberta Fernandez
00:15:48 – 00:16:47
And that disconnect is what we need to identify. It is also that disconnect that keeps us uncomfortable and makes change painful. Um A lot of our resistance to change comes from exactly those limiting beliefs and those things that were given to us when we were very young. And, and as an adult, we don’t really even know what those things are sometimes. Um And again, it’s about awareness. Why do we believe the things that we believe? That’s the first question we have to start answering, you know, asking ourselves, but we can’t always come up with the correct answer. Um Because logically when we can’t figure something out, we’ll take a little piece of the truth and we’ll build a story around it until it fits, um, the logic we want to have about it and the solution that we want.
Roberta Fernandez
00:16:47 – 00:17:41
So it’s one of the things that makes change so very hard. The other thing that, that you didn’t point out, which is also a factor that I find about why people hate change is because many people and honestly, it’s shocking how many people I run into that, believe this, they believe that if they change, they change their mind, they change their ideas or their thoughts that it meant they were wrong. And especially today, people don’t want to be wrong. And it’s, it’s really hard to convince people that, you know, we’re constantly evolving, we’re constantly getting new information and finding out things we didn’t know. And that knowledge is a plus, not a negative, right? But people today especially, I think all over the world, not just here in the States, but there’s a lot of division
Roberta Fernandez
00:17:42 – 00:18:23
in the world. And um people, people want to be right, they want to be on the right side, what whatever that looks like to them they want to be on the right side of things. So it makes it very interesting in working with individuals and in organizations to get people to see that they are part, their perspective is a part of a whole sea of perspectives. And how do we navigate, you know, in our own little boat on that sea. And again, that’s one of the other things that my programs um involve is really figuring that out, um, which makes us a whole different kind of problem solver when we can do
Jeff Bullas
00:18:23 – 00:18:42
that. Yeah, you use the word, uh, awareness, which I believe is something that, that is lacking in modern society in that we, uh, we’re quite blind to, like you said, we don’t live in a whole ecosystem and, and global planet of beautiful human beings.
Roberta Fernandez
00:18:42 – 00:18:48
Yeah. And yet we’re stuck with this, right? Like we’re glued to that. Um, that’s
Jeff Bullas
00:18:48 – 00:18:59
one of my hates watching people cross pedestrian crossings without looking up and expecting a car. So, I don’t know how many people have been killed by actually looking at their phone while crossing pedestrian crossing. But I’m sure it would be in the hundreds.
Roberta Fernandez
00:19:00 – 00:19:43
Yeah. Oh, I’m sure. And I know a lot of injuries. Um, I see that all the time too and it’s, I think, I think, I think this is such an amazing invention and there’s so many positives to the technology that we have. But the, the biggest negative that I see, um, I mean, I actually do some visualization around disconnecting from devices because it is a problem. Um, we’re losing that ability to talk to each other and interact with each other. And, I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in restaurants where I’ve seen the whole family just on their phones and, and the irony is some of them are
Roberta Fernandez
00:19:43 – 00:20:10
practicing each other. You know, it’s just, I just find this so fascinating and, and at first I thought, well, maybe it’s because I’m older, right? And I’m used to the old ways of doing things. But no, I’m heavily involved in tech. I have been for a long time and I love it. Um But I do see that we are losing that ability to be aware and when we’re not aware, how can we have connection.
Jeff Bullas
00:20:11 – 00:20:56
And uh i in my twenties, um I had a father that was very good at talking. Um And uh literally love me, gave me a great life, but he is really shit at listening. And I, and I think parents can teach us two ways by example or by, I call a non example. When I grow up, I wanna be like al or I wanna be like, you know, you know, Steve Jobs when I grow up, I don’t want to be like, you know, this person. And um so dad gave me a gift and that gift was I actually went and did a, the first part of a counseling course. And
Jeff Bullas
00:20:57 – 00:21:50
it was six months, it was a weekly workshop. It was done both in small groups and large groups. But it had two really important components which are very important in awareness. Number one, the first component. And it was in the textbook and it was also in the workshops, was awareness of others and awareness of self. So you need to be aware how you’re communicating or not communicating or not listening. Once you got through that and be more aware, then the challenge and the beauty in the next part of that is you can be much more aware of others. And it was the most uh it was the most important course I’ve ever done despite doing a teaching degree and other things. So it for me was this awareness of self and then from that awareness of others, it transformed my life
Roberta Fernandez
00:21:51 – 00:22:33
well, and that really is at the basis of emotional intelligence, we have to become self aware, we have to know where we are emotionally, we have to know what emotions are and what they mean. Um And that all emotions are good and they’re trying to tell us something. It’s our gps, right? And, and then we have to look at how we’re managing those emotions, how we’re managing ourselves. Because um I mean, Goldman is the first one to really kind of lay out this platform of emotional intelligence. And then he went on to say, once we can have that self concept that self-awareness, then we can look at our relationship with others and putting ourselves in their shoes emotionally
Roberta Fernandez
00:22:33 – 00:23:14
and, and then managing those relationships. And so this idea of emotional intelligence, which, you know, in the corporate sector is very uh well embraced because there’s a lot of studies done around emotional intelligence and how it improves, you know, team building leadership, um communication, pretty much everything within a corporation, right? Or any kind of organization. But it’s also essential for our personal lives. And this is why I call myself a personal and professional development consultant because you can’t have one without the other, not really
Roberta Fernandez
00:23:14 – 00:23:56
um the really successful people in the world. I don’t care what business they’re in, they are self aware. And a h we spend a third of the program talking about self esteem, self awareness, self realization, all of those things that are important. Um And a lot of people think, oh, well, I shouldn’t focus on myself, right? That’s selfish. That’s what we all need to do. Um because we can’t take care of everybody else until we look inward. Um As a hypnotist, I can tell you the subconscious mind always knows what the problem is and it knows how to fix it. We have all the answers inside, we just don’t know how to look inside.
Roberta Fernandez
00:23:57 – 00:24:28
And so I think the, you know, the the the tool of using like guided visualization where you, you know, just kind of conscious nap. You, you let that conscious mind take a rest and you dive more within being mindful and thoughtful about what it is that you’re wanting to accomplish what you want to focus on is really the key to where our, our deepest strength is. Exactly.
Jeff Bullas
00:24:28 – 00:25:04
Ok. So let me ask you a question based on that, I’m just taking some notes as we go along. So it’s uh I’m not feeding the cat or anything. Um So despite the cat being an intervener, sometimes I haven’t shut the door, it might pop in and just run across Beny grad. So let me ask you, um, we, we’re saying that self awareness is where it all starts. What are some of the tools and tactics to help people become more self aware that you find work?
Roberta Fernandez
00:25:05 – 00:25:56
I think one of the things you mentioned earlier and I was thinking when you were talking about listening, um you know, being a better listener, your dad was a talker, right? What I’ve learned is a hypnotist. And when I train other hypnotists, I tell them, you know, we think of the words are so important in hypnosis and they are important words are important in life. But the most important skill that anybody can develop is the ability to listen. And, and we’ve lost that art today. We’re so busy about thinking how we’re responding, how we’re going to respond to somebody. Um especially in our divisive world, right? Um that we’re not really hearing what they’re saying uh because we’re not good listeners and when we can listen and, and part of listening is also observation and this is another tenant of a hra is that
Roberta Fernandez
00:25:56 – 00:26:34
um our skills of observation are keenly important because we have to look at how we’re observing in a situation. So let’s say we have an employee or a colleague that we’re working with. Um you know, we have to be aware of them um and ourselves. So we have, you know, two people involved. And I, I go through a model of what we call five stages of observation. And so looking at what your role is stepping back and looking at the actual interaction itself. And then the third would be assessing that in that interaction
Roberta Fernandez
00:26:34 – 00:27:32
from a more of a third party uh perspective. And that fourth perspective is going to be looking at what, what could I have done differently so that interaction could have gone better. And that fifth role of observation is really critiquing yourself and, and looking at why did I do that? Why did I say that? What could I have done differently? What am I going to do next time to improve that? Right. So this idea of listening and observing um and I think what is challenging about that in today’s society is that we are so fast paced, we want that instant gratification, we want it done yesterday. Um, people are not comfortable with conflict, most people that I meet and maybe that’s always been the case, but we’re not making time for evaluating how we’ve, you know, we’ve been in a situation.
Roberta Fernandez
00:27:32 – 00:27:53
And so looking at those five steps of being an observer is a really good way to go back and teach ourselves, um, and be honest and give ourselves feedback about our situation and in doing that, we become more emotionally intelligent about the other people as well.
Jeff Bullas
00:27:54 – 00:28:32
Yeah, awareness building is really tough listening is really hard work because it’s not passive. Um And one of those major skills of listening is turning off your own mind and not preparing the answer to say something in return, even though we still got to be a two way street. And there’s this, there’s this tension and paradox of listening and being fully aware of the other person, body language, sound of voice. What are they really feeling? And it is hard work is actually easy.
Roberta Fernandez
00:28:33 – 00:29:19
It is, it is well and I think, I think it’s because, you know, our brain is hardwired in a certain way. It it it is very easy to go negative because the Amygdala is always looking for danger. Our brain is always, I mean, it’s all about having us survive. So we are hardwired to look for everything that’s negative in the world. And when we come up against somebody who has a different opinion than us we automatically look at that as danger. They don’t agree with me. I don’t like conflict wherever that’s going to go for the individual. It is an effort to find the positive in anything. We have to try to do it because we’re not hardwired to look for that.
Roberta Fernandez
00:29:19 – 00:29:54
And so, um, relating and that goes for within ourselves too. This is why a lot of us aren’t very self aware because we don’t really want to know the negatives about us that’s dangerous to think that there might be something wrong with us, right? Or something that we are not good enough at or that imposter syndrome that, oh, they’re going to find out that I’m a fraud, right? So we tend to not be self aware because sometimes that’s very challenging for us on that kind of level. Does that make sense?
Jeff Bullas
00:29:54 – 00:29:55
Yeah, absolutely.
Jeff Bullas
00:29:58 – 00:30:48
The other thing that I um was challenged by when I was doing this course, which was about self awareness and awareness of others was uh we ran little workshops where we were encouraged to be gently honest with each other about how you were coming across. And I was slightly horrified and um you know, the barriers went up and I was told that when you talk about something, you turn it into a joke rather. So use humor, which is almost to hide from the truth. And I went really, how dare you tell me that, you know, I use humor to escape, you know, reality or uh so, and I remember being told this is, this is 40 years ago, right? So, and self awareness is not only
Jeff Bullas
00:30:49 – 00:31:42
a, you know, an inside job, it’s also an outside job in that. If you are prepared to accept people’s observations, you in a loving way and this is where a safe workshop can be really useful in that. So when you say something you’re going, so what I’m sensing you’re saying and be very, very tentative in your communication. I think that you are doing a B and C because of Xy and Z or Z as they say in America. So self awareness for me is also what is being willing to listen to others opinions of me and that, but that needs to be done in a loving environment rather than one of confrontation and anger. A basic quotes on that.
Roberta Fernandez
00:31:42 – 00:32:14
Yeah, I, I have a lot of thoughts on that too. Um I think the what makes it challenging all the way around? First of all, I agree with what you’re saying. Um I think that kind of self reflection is very important and that that ability to be vulnerable to other things. I mean, people look at vulnerability as weakness. I love Brene Brown’s work around. Um Yeah, her book daring greatly is amazing should be a must read.
Jeff Bullas
00:32:15 – 00:32:24
I’ve read it, watched a youtube and the lesson for me was vulnerability is power. It’s not weakness. It
Roberta Fernandez
00:32:24 – 00:33:16
is, it is power and it’s, she describes it as the birthplace of creativity and change. And I actually do a workshop around change that we start with that um Quote the man in the arena speech that she talks about. Um and we talk about what is vulnerability but with what you’re saying, um it’s complicated because perspective is an interesting thing. Like I look at feedback as a tool, not the tool, right? Because everybody that’s giving feedback is coming from their own perspective and their own place. And so you mentioned earlier and um and this is just my, my skills of listening coming out here that, you know, you used humor, they said you used humor, humor is a way to get people to listen.
Roberta Fernandez
00:33:16 – 00:34:00
And you said your dad didn’t listen, right? So my guess is that at a young age, you started developing that tendency because it was one of the tools that you used to get the attention that you wanted, right? And we all have those kinds of things. We all have those kinds of things. Some people are people pleasers, I’m going to do something really nice for you because then you’ll pay attention to me and I’ll get my little warm fuzzies, right? So, um but there’s a lot of perspective um going around when it comes to feedback. And I think again, it comes back to this observation, but the the basic ability to say to yourself,
Roberta Fernandez
00:34:00 – 00:34:44
I’m going to make myself vulnerable here. Just because someone’s saying this to me and giving me this feedback doesn’t mean it’s true. It just means it’s their perspective and their perspective is shaped by many things, right? So, you know, a lot of times, uh a woman, for example, whose husbands had an affair will develop this belief that all men cheat, right? And so when they get in a conversation with another woman or in a group or whatever, and they’re, they’re hearing things that, that other person is saying that perspective, that experience that they’ve had, that’s formed this perspective that they have is going to come into play in that feedback.
Roberta Fernandez
00:34:44 – 00:35:32
Um And you might hear, well, you know, I wouldn’t trust him because, you know, all men are cheaters. Um And, and, and it really is just coming from her perspective. And so, and another person would say, oh, well, yeah, look at the statistics that is true and another person will say, well, no, that hasn’t been my experience. So you’re in the sea of perspectives. And so this is what makes it complicated. And I think today, especially with feedback, let’s go back to this and social media because you look at how it’s easy now for people to be anonymous with their feedback and that gives them the, the self perceived license to say things and be mean and critical um from, you know, sometimes just out of that place of being mean,
Roberta Fernandez
00:35:32 – 00:36:01
but uh, not having to be held accountable for what they’re contributing. Right. And, and that’s, that’s very unfortunate because a lot of times, I mean, I give some of these influencers, these people that are out there on social media, I give them a lot of credit because, well, I wouldn’t allow comments just because it doesn’t go anywhere. Um, I think a lot of them were looking at it and it was, well, yeah, go ahead and say whatever you want because you’re driving more money to my site, right? The more conversation I get the more money I make
Jeff Bullas
00:36:02 – 00:36:04
controversy. There’s no such thing as bad. Advertise.
Roberta Fernandez
00:36:04 – 00:36:40
Yeah. Right. And so, you know, they’re making more money and, but, but however, and I think a lot of them do try to get that harder skin and, and feel that way, but I do know humans and the nature of human beings is that it does seep through that kind of criticism and that meanness, right? And when you’re talking about really young people, they don’t have the skills yet to block that out. Um Take everything as the truth. Um And they don’t have the capacity to, to put a filter on some of that stuff. But that happens throughout our whole
Roberta Fernandez
00:36:40 – 00:37:23
life is kind of full circle back to where we started when you said earlier. You know, this is, this is how we, how we learn. Right. Um So yeah, and, and that all goes for So think about that, how things are affecting us personally and the challenges that we deal with, with our own self awareness and our own way we’re putting ourselves out in the world and the perspective other people are getting of us. It’s so easy to see how that ties in to our professional lives. Right. Our personal relationships and our professional lives and the successes that we have or that we don’t have because of it. Um Yep.
Jeff Bullas
00:37:24 – 00:37:47
So what are the biggest barriers you’ve found for, for change? Um It could be, maybe we can put into two buckets, one could be personal change. The other one could be business. But the reality is that business is life and life is business at the end of the day. Really? Um So, and the tagline I have for my blog is How to win at business and life in a world of a I
Roberta Fernandez
00:37:49 – 00:37:50
Yeah, that’s a whole another issue,
Jeff Bullas
00:37:50 – 00:38:40
right? So, so what are the biggest challenges you’ve discovered in your experience that stopped people making change? And I’m sure you got about 30 of those. But what’s some of the, give us the top three? I for me. Um What stopped me changing a lot was I was trapped in a fundamentalist Christian religion. Mhm But, and uh uh for me, I end up leaving it uh because I felt that I was in such a small box. And I remember my conversation with my father when I left the church and I was afraid of rejection actually, which is one of the reasons it stopped me leaving the church. What would my parents think? Will I be rejected by my parents? But the, what I did say to my dad was I said,
Jeff Bullas
00:38:41 – 00:38:49
the God, whether you use a big G or a small G, the God I discovered is much bigger than the one I grew up with. Yes.
Roberta Fernandez
00:38:50 – 00:38:50
Yeah.
Jeff Bullas
00:38:51 – 00:39:02
So for me, religion was a very, very restrictive box. Um What are some of the other biggest challenges to change? Top three, top five?
Roberta Fernandez
00:39:02 – 00:39:30
Oh man, it’s hard to, it’s hard to narrow them down. This may be the toughest question you asked me because there are so many and I think honestly the, the biggest change is what we’ve been discussing and that’s self awareness, the lack of it, the lack of wanting of being able to be vulnerable to be able to say, oh, I really screwed that up or I can learn from this. Every, everything is a lesson.
Roberta Fernandez
00:39:31 – 00:40:27
Um Every cloud has a silver lining and even if it’s, I mean, I have had clients that have had horrific lives and I think, oh my gosh, how am I going to get them to see the benefit of what they’ve experienced? Because I can’t, you know, their life has been terrible and people always come up with something, even if it’s that you learn, I will never do that. I’ll never be that person. Right. So, I think that is the biggest factor about not wanting to change is, is not even being aware of the need to change. Right. I think you’re right. Um, religion is one influencer and it’s huge in a lot of people’s lives. I spent 12 years in Catholic school. So I know all about that and, um, you know, it, we all eventually have to find our own way,
Roberta Fernandez
00:40:27 – 00:41:20
but it is only one of the influencing factors. And I think that’s the second biggest thing I would say is self-awareness. And then the lack of awareness of how others have given us belief systems that don’t serve us anymore. And that can be a school teacher, it can be religion, it can be definitely your parents, um media, uh magazines, televisions, um all of that, that outside influence that is telling us what we should think and who we need to be. Um, and creating how the way we define ourselves. That’s the second biggest reason for change. And I think uh a lot of change is just this fear, the third one, which probably is really part of the reason for number one and two. But fear,
Roberta Fernandez
00:41:20 – 00:41:30
um because it’s what is the quote, it’s the devil. We know we’d rather choose the devil we know than the one that we don’t know. Right. Um
Jeff Bullas
00:41:32 – 00:41:33
That’s why people stay in abusive relationships in
Roberta Fernandez
00:41:33 – 00:42:04
a relationships, correct? Because they can’t see any other possible abilities. And so, um, I think this fear of what might be, um, is, is hugely limiting for people and it’s the biggest thing around change that not knowing is a huge fear. Um, and there’s a million more. But, yeah, I think those are probably the biggest ones.
Jeff Bullas
00:42:05 – 00:42:43
It’s, uh, it is a challenge and, uh, I’ve been kick, I’ve been dragged, kicking and screaming into change. Um, I’ve also been dragged willingly into change by, you know, uh, an observation and curiosity. I think, uh, curiosity can be a big changer. It’s, um, Joseph, can we talked before following your bliss? What are you really curious about? There’s two words, I’ve, I am now tossing around a bit. One is what are you curious about? And you generally, everyone will say, well, here’s 10 things I’m curious about. But then there’s another question after that which I, um, I’m, I’m playing with is what compels you
Jeff Bullas
00:42:45 – 00:42:47
rather than just curious.
Roberta Fernandez
00:42:48 – 00:42:58
Yes. Well, I, I don’t know if people can be compelled before being curious because if you’re not open to being curious, you’re probably not going to be opening to.
Jeff Bullas
00:42:59 – 00:43:02
That’s why I asked the question. What are you curious about first?
Roberta Fernandez
00:43:02 – 00:43:36
Yeah. And I think, you know, I love that word actually, I think it’s wonderful and it’s a great perception on your, uh, on your part because, um, again, I’ll take it back to this. Why do I have to be curious about anything? If I can just look it up, if I can just google it. Right. Um And, and this sounds like a very old person thing to say, but I see the pendulum swinging the other way because that’s what it is. It’s that hypnosis swinging watch, right? Uh We want to be right in the middle but it does go from one end to the other.
Roberta Fernandez
00:43:36 – 00:44:33
Um You know, I think there’s going to be a big backlash to the way we function now. Um It is happening. I see it, I see it in my clients, even if, even if they’re not there yet, there is a frustration that there has to be more right. There has to be more to what their life is. And, you know, I, and here’s the person part. I remember, um, when I had my Montessori school, this was I founded it in 1996 and I ran that school for 11 years still in existence. 25 years later, we had three year olds to 12 year olds. And I remember when we started doing our elementary classes, um we hired one of the moms actually, she was a pe teacher. And so she came in and did pe classes with the Children
Roberta Fernandez
00:44:33 – 00:45:13
and this is probably around the year 2000 or so. And she said, you know, I can’t even believe this. I said what? And she said these kids don’t know how to make up a game. They don’t know how to pretend and, and make something up out of their head, use their imagination and create rules. And I can remember being young and our parents kicking us out of the house when they come back in. Right. We stayed outside all day and we found ways to entertain ourselves. You know, we would make up all kinds of crazy games and use our imagination. And there’s a lot of satisfaction that we get in that creativity.
Roberta Fernandez
00:45:13 – 00:46:01
And a lot of people don’t have a lot of creativity or opportunities for that in their lives because we’re so busy and it has dulled curiosity and dull, that sense of imagination that drives that curiosity. And I have clients say to me, well, imagination is for kids. And while it’s true that up until about the time we’re seven, I mean, I clearly saw this in, in the Montessori school, you know, at four, the little girls at a table playing with her toys and she’s carrying on a conversation with those dolls, having a tea party or whatever. By the time she’s seven or eight years old, she starts to think. Oh, well, I know those dolls can’t talk. But what if they could?
Roberta Fernandez
00:46:01 – 00:46:48
So the logical mind is starting to form, you know, questioning things. They’ve never questioned. Like, how can Santa deliver presents all over the world on one night and come through a fireplace that we don’t even have in our house. Right? Mom said. So it must be true. That’s the way the subconscious mind works and that’s all that young Children have. So as we get older, you know, I encourage people, this is why I love guided visualization because it, it encourages people through stories and metaphor to start examining their own curiosity. And the subconscious mind is really good at applying metaphors and stories and visualizations to what they really need
Roberta Fernandez
00:46:48 – 00:47:08
and and extrapolate that for the person’s benefit. So, um yeah, I think curiosity is a big issue, but I do see that swinging back a little bit, people are starting to question more rather than taking things at face value. And I love that. That gives me hope.
Jeff Bullas
00:47:09 – 00:47:48
So let’s have a little closer look at cleaning out your closet, which is sort of your second pillar. And then we’re gonna talk about conscious napping, which is guided visualization. So let’s have a little dive into cleaning out your closet and uh and how that helps eliminate old limiting beliefs. Let’s have a dive into that. So how would you sum up basically the, the steps, I’m sure there’s a lot within that suitcase of cleaning out your closet distill that to me into the few core things that people should do to clean out their closet to remove those limiting beliefs.
Roberta Fernandez
00:47:49 – 00:48:44
Well, I think the conscious mind is not the way to approach that. Um the conscious mind makes stuff up. And so where a is much more conscious mind focused and it’s a longer term uh program cleaning out your closet is the best way the first thing to do before you even start a hor, not everybody does, but it is what I recommend and that’s one on one work with me and it uses hypnosis. Um And because hypnosis is the, the most efficient way to dive into the subconscious mind where all those limiting beliefs are, where all those things that no longer serve you are where all those misperceptions are. And in 10 hours, 12 hours we can be done. Um It is that place, the method by which you have insights to yourself and can look back at your life and say,
Roberta Fernandez
00:48:44 – 00:49:26
well, now I get it. Now. I know why when this happens, I always react this way because the conscious mind has this need to figure stuff out and when it gets the why it has the understanding, it can easily then make different choices. Yeah. So that is in essence cleaning out your closet. It’s a short period of work. We really just take a deep dive and get insights and literally it’s I I liken it to cleaning out your closet. So it’s gonna be stuff, you donate stuff, you trash and you’re not going to bring anything back in until you’ve organized it and made priorities um and set some really good goals for yourself. Yeah,
Jeff Bullas
00:49:27 – 00:49:36
I love that. Now, in a world of digital technology and Zoom is hypnosis to require face to face.
Roberta Fernandez
00:49:36 – 00:50:24
No, no. When you close your eyes and go into hypnosis, you could be anywhere. Yeah, there’s no difference. I mean, there’s usually clients will have a personal preference. Um but the beauty about Zoom, I mean, when COVID happened, oh man, I was getting ready to teach a class. It was supposed to be, you know, live like 50 hours, live in person. Literally in two days, I had to revamp it for zoom, thank God for Zoom. Um And I had done online work with my clients before although, but then it was Skype and it wasn’t very reliable. So yeah, I think, I think that COVID has been a benefit that way and that it makes it easier for me to work with people all over the place, not just person to person. So, yeah. Yeah, cool.
Jeff Bullas
00:50:24 – 00:50:27
I was just curious about that because I’m curious about things,
Roberta Fernandez
00:50:27 – 00:50:52
no difference, no difference in the, in the ability uh the, the, the face to face stuff. I mean, I personally like that better because I’m just that kind of person. Um But I, I mean, I did it for two solid years. I never saw a client in person and they are all having the same results. So yeah, there’s no difference. It can be challenging on my end because the cat might come in the door and jump in the client’s face. I’ve had that happen
Roberta Fernandez
00:50:52 – 00:51:18
and that kind of ruins the the the the flow at the time, right? Um So you know, loud noises during COVID, I I actually saw some people in their car because it was the only place they had privacy. So they drive to the empty mall parking lot and we would do hypnosis with them on their phone and in their car where they could be, feel free to say whatever they need to say. Right? Because no one could hear. So yeah, there’s all kinds of creative ideas.
Jeff Bullas
00:51:18 – 00:51:44
Cool. Alright, the third pillar of what you do in terms of change, enabling change is conscious napping, which is an app that is guided visualization. Tell us about, obviously, you’ve come up with some technology to help you do this. Um Tell us a little bit about that process um using technology conscious napping and what that’s all about.
Roberta Fernandez
00:51:44 – 00:52:18
Well, conscious napping was my first attempt to take uh I shouldn’t say attempt because it’s working. But my first opportunity to take the work I was doing successfully with my clients as I had noticed back into the corporate sector and affect people on a bigger change. So conscious napping is a play on words. And what that just says is that we’re going to do some guided visualization where your conscious mind can take a rest, sit over here for a few minutes and tap into that power that you have in your subconscious mind.
Roberta Fernandez
00:52:19 – 00:53:08
And so it is metaphors and stories, recordings that average seven or eight minutes on a wide variety of topics. Um financial, well being, physical, well being, emotional and mental well being. And then I have some courses like for weight loss or smoking cessation, the stuff that will save companies, money, stress relief, pain management, sleep issues, um all kinds of things. But uh during COVID, I actually launched conscious napping a week before the lockdown need to say didn’t go anywhere because nobody was doing anything. Um And it’s, it’s a time when people really needed it the most. But during COVID, I had time to really build conscious napping out and take a look at um and constantly creating content.
Roberta Fernandez
00:53:08 – 00:53:28
So it is an app that will help people start to become more self aware and self reflective and start working on their own stuff. Um in a way that’s important to them. Um And they have privacy. It’s always with them. The good thing about this, it’s on your phone and you have it with you everywhere when you need
Jeff Bullas
00:53:28 – 00:53:34
it. Ok. So is that a free app which is available on your Android as well as your iphone?
Roberta Fernandez
00:53:36 – 00:54:18
It is available on both. It’s not free. Um You can go and download it and look at it, you just can’t access it without a code. Um So it’s on my website for sale uh for 99 bucks and there’s over 100 recordings in it. I’m always adding content it’s in Spanish as well as English. Um So it’s bilingual. Yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. I originally designed it to sell as a company benefit, a wellness benefit. Um I don’t really call it wellness. I call it well being because it’s so much more than what the word wellness. Um I think conveys. Um but I have in the last year made it available for individual purchase and it’s a one time thing. Yeah.
Jeff Bullas
00:54:19 – 00:54:42
So from a uh the business side of things, uh you look like you do 1 to 1 obviously. That’s so that’s one thing then you do one to many as in classes is is there any way you can scale your expertise that allows you to scale you much in a much bigger way?
Roberta Fernandez
00:54:43 – 00:55:25
Yeah. So when I started well conscious napping, obviously, I mean, I wanted to take what I did as a hypnotist and the things that I knew were advantageous to individuals to a bigger audience and affect change at the corporate level where you reach a lot of people in one stop, right? Um 1 to 1 is always better, always with a horror. When I first introduced a horror, I only did it 1 to 1 and it was um honestly, I think I would have burned out very quickly because it’s super intense. I still offer it, but it’s very expensive. It’s 100 hours face to face with a client in six months. And so it just would not be sustainable for me,
Roberta Fernandez
00:55:25 – 00:55:58
um, to do that. And so I, I thought there has to be a better way. So, aha, a club or a H A team is the same program. One is just within an organization and their members. So, you know, the C suite, the marketing department, whatever, um, or our club, people from various, um, uh, industries and backgrounds. Um, and they, and, and you get the best of both worlds actually because they spend a month, an hour a month working on what they want to work one on one. And then we have two sessions during the,
Roberta Fernandez
00:55:58 – 00:56:38
of 60 to 90 minutes in addition to their manual that’s about to stick because it lasts them a year and an online portal and a communication feed where there’s lots of open discussion back and forth. Uh It’s a really comprehensive, very cool program. So, yeah. Yeah. And you know, if your listeners want an example of conscious napping or some guided visualization, if they go to my home page, there’s, they can download a free, uh, recording called You Are Like a Disco Ball. It’s amazing for confidence and motivation. It’s a very cool recording and it’s free. Yeah. So they can get a taste of what I’m talking about.
Jeff Bullas
00:56:38 – 00:56:40
I go and check that out. What’s that called again?
Roberta Fernandez
00:56:41 – 00:56:49
It’s called You’re like a Disco Ball. It’s at Roberta fernandez.com and it’s right on the home page up in the header? Yeah. So can’t miss it. Can’t miss it
Jeff Bullas
00:56:50 – 00:56:52
like a disco ball.
Roberta Fernandez
00:56:52 – 00:56:55
You are like a disco ball. Yeah. Yeah.
Jeff Bullas
00:56:55 – 00:57:02
All right. So, uh before I ask my final question, which uh you’re making me
Roberta Fernandez
00:57:02 – 00:57:06
nervous now, you’re making me nervous teasing.
Jeff Bullas
00:57:09 – 00:57:30
So how do people contact you? Roberta, you’ve got, was Roberto fernandez.com? Is your, obviously you got your domain name uh quite a while back because um and I got my name as a domain name.com as well a while back. So how do people contact you in the easiest way I suppose is linkedin. There’s also a website. So
Roberta Fernandez
00:57:30 – 00:57:44
yeah, they can and just Roberta at Roberta fernando.com. I, I like things to be very simple. They can email me and my phone number is on the website as well too. So feel free to reach out. Yeah, make
Jeff Bullas
00:57:44 – 00:58:04
it easy. Just the, the question which I ask or my guess as I said is the question I would like to ask you is what brings you deep joy and happiness and you would do it for free if you had all the money in the world.
Roberta Fernandez
00:58:06 – 00:58:11
So if I would do it for free, that implies a business thing or something, I would normally charge for it for,
Jeff Bullas
00:58:12 – 00:58:18
in other words, you would do this every day, day, in day out, you got money in your world.
Roberta Fernandez
00:58:19 – 00:58:55
I would go out into nature. Um I have to say it’s what I love about Vegas. The weather’s here is good except, you know, during those really hot months. Um, I live at the base of a mountain and, um, to go up and just see the beauty and feel the wind in my hair. Uh, there’s nothing that connects me more to myself. Um, and to just feeling good about everything than just being out in nature. So, yeah. Yeah. And it doesn’t matter, it can be here, it can be on the beach, it can be wherever it is. I love the mountains. Um So yeah, that’s what I would do every single day.
Jeff Bullas
00:58:57 – 00:59:07
Yeah, I love that. I walk to the beach and I go for a dip and I go for a bike ride. So I um and it sounds like you’re quite happy in yourself and you enjoy your own company and solitude.
Roberta Fernandez
00:59:08 – 00:59:23
Yeah. Yes. And that, that’s a really good thought to leave. I think your listeners with um because it just takes us back to that self awareness. A lot of people are not comfortable with the quiet
Jeff Bullas
00:59:26 – 01:00:22
and I think, you know, the manic productivity sort of movement within the self help industry as well that you’ve got to be. This is your routine. You’re actually like a machine. I think we’re starting to think a lot more about this evidence by Cal Newport’s new book called Slow Productivity, which I totally agree with um focus on less things but do them better And don’t basically buy into the manic consumerism and productivity that you are a machine just like, and it happened in the early 19 hundreds when the whole efficiency movement started and we’re humans, we’re messy, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be focused and get shit done. And I think that’s what we really gotta look at and, and that comes down to what is your purpose? What is your bliss and then focus on that?
Roberta Fernandez
01:00:23 – 01:00:57
Absolutely. I think I would love to, I know, I know you want to end this, but I want to follow up with one thing that I think is really important when I talk about goal setting. Um and this drives some business people crazy. Goals are important. I’m not dismissing them. But when it comes to goals, what I think is most important isn’t the action that you take, picking up the phone, calling 100 people, right? Or whatever is on your list. It is taking inspired action. In other words,
Roberta Fernandez
01:00:57 – 01:01:47
you know, what, what makes you feel good? You know, if you’ve ever gotten up at the beginning of the day and just dreaded the day because of all the things on your to do list and granted you may have to do them. I’m not saying you don’t or shouldn’t. But putting yourself in a position to take inspired action is different than action. And what I mean by that is to find yourself thinking about something that brings you joy that is inspirational to you, to put yourself in a good place. Because once you can do that, everything on that to do list looks totally different and much more manageable. And if you can’t find inspiration
Roberta Fernandez
01:01:48 – 01:02:11
to take inspired action, then my suggestion, my advice is take the day off and go do something for self care, um go out in nature, do something. And you’ll be amazed when you do because it’s going to be totally unproductive to try anything else. You’ll be amazed at the ideas that will come to you after doing that.
Jeff Bullas
01:02:12 – 01:02:24
Yeah. So true productivity is actually giving yourself the mission and time to stop. So you can actually hear this whisper that tells you what you should be doing in life.
Roberta Fernandez
01:02:25 – 01:02:27
Excellent and beautiful.
Jeff Bullas
01:02:28 – 01:02:42
Thank you, Roberta. It’s been an absolute joy to have a chat about things that matter and glad to see that you’re making a difference in the world. Thank you very much for sharing your stories and expertise and experience. I’ve loved it. Thank you.
Roberta Fernandez
01:02:43 – 01:02:45
Thanks Jeff. It was really fun talking with you.